


anchor

by minshuas



Series: between two hearts, two lungs, two mouths [3]
Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 07:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12744207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minshuas/pseuds/minshuas
Summary: “I wanted to see you,” Juho says, hair a mess. It’s adorable and makes Youngbin want to hold him close. “I couldn’t sleep.”"What came first? Wanting to see me or not sleeping?” Youngbin asks softly, carding his fingers through Juho’s hair now.





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**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHO DID IT FINALLY!!!! this series is now considered complete! but that doesn't mean i won't be working on other jubin related projects! so just wait up for me!!!

“Hyung…” Someone’s shaking Youngbin’s shoulder. Hyung, his mind registers the word, but not the voice. It’s one of the younger members, which doesn’t really narrow it down, but it has Youngbin pulling himself from the warmth of his sheets nonetheless. He sits up too fast, head knocking against his visitor’s. Both shout out despite Jaeyoon’s presence in the room. This time the voice registers in Youngbin’s mind and he’s instantly drawn to him, taking his hand off of his own injury to assess Juho’s instead.

  
His hands come to rest on his cheeks and Juho breathes out a laugh. “Are you okay?” Youngbin asks with wide eyes, ducking his head so he can see Juho’s expression better. The moon gives off the faintest glow and it makes Juho look haunted as he nods to reassure him. “What are you doing here?” Youngbin finds himself laughing alongside Juho, finding it easy to forget about the recent collision. The pain becomes distant in the presence of Juho in his bed. Juho, in his bed, is a thought that Youngbin doesn’t let himself have. There’s a possessiveness in the mere thought of it, even if it isn’t inherently sexual. They’ve never spent time in their bedrooms together and not just because of their roommates (even though Juho’s roommate makes it impossible and slightly dangerous to hang out there). When they do spend time together, it is usually outside of the dorm and during the late nights or the early mornings. The secretiveness of their relationship may not even be necessary, but it makes Youngbin feel better. Without them announcing it, Youngbin doesn’t have to worry about everyone’s expectations for their relationship. If they stay like this, then they will maintain complete control over what is happening between them.

“I wanted to see you,” Juho says, hair a mess. It’s adorable and makes Youngbin want to hold him close. “I couldn’t sleep.”

  
Juho’s sleeping habits were among the worst in the whole group. He was lucky if he could sleep a whole night without interruptions. No matter what any of them tried, no one could figure out how to settle Juho’s nerves or fix his sleeping habits. The company’s only solution had been to separate Juho from the other boys so at least they would be able to sleep during his sleepless nights. Youngbin had been mortified at that solution, especially since he had been Juho’s roommate previously. Whenever he woke up or spoke so loudly that he woke up the other inhabitants, Youngbin would talk to him and rub his back soothingly. There had been times when Youngbin had climbed into bed with him too, trying to reassure him that he wasn’t alone. He didn’t know if that was Juho’s problem, but not even Juho could uncover the issue behind his sleeping habits.

  
“What came first? Wanting to see me or not sleeping?” Youngbin asks softly, carding his fingers through Juho’s hair now. _He’s so cute…_ There’s something about Juho that softens Youngbin. He’s not like the youngest among them, but there is still innocence in his eyes, in his overexcited happiness, in the way he loves. Youngbin doesn’t know how to hold something so precious as a person’s love, but he’ll learn for Juho. There’s no way that he’ll let what they have slip through his fingers.

  
Without waiting for an answer, Youngbin leans forward and presses his lips against Juho’s chastely. He doesn’t want to push anything tonight, but when he starts to pull away, Juho pulls him forward again. One of his hands keeps Youngbin rooted there without any real pressure, yet it still acts like an anchor. They kiss lazily, tongues barely brushing against each other; teeth barely latching onto pliable skin. The way they kiss makes Youngbin feel like they’ve been swept up by a hurricane, but they are safe in the midst of it. A calm settles deep within his core and it suffocates the burning sensation that he had felt the first time they kissed so riskily. Now, when they kiss, his toes curl and he feels like all the air in his body has been replaced with helium because he’s floating. From his head to his toes, he’s floating on this feeling until he’s lost to become another star in the night sky.

  
Beside them, Jaeyoon stirs and they jump away from one another. Youngbin’s become good at composing himself in front of others, but Juho’s a different story entirely. His entire chest is heaving as he tries to catch his breath. It’s how Youngbin steals the breath right from his lungs that makes him struggle so much. Just knowing the effect that he has on Juho wrecks Youngbin more and more. Just a simple set of kisses turns Juho into a mess of struggling breaths and bright eyes. Desperately, his hands ache to be on him once again; his lips burn with the temptation to risk their secrecy for just another touch. Juho makes the logical part of Youngbin’s brain shut down whenever he is around. The usual level-headedness that makes him such a great leader disappears to accommodate the way his mind begins to swim whenever Juho is this close to him.

  
Youngbin can’t stop watching the way Juho’s pupils are blown wide, glistening in the dark, as he tries to even out his breathing. Jaeyoon sits up with his hair sticking out every which way. “Juho?” He spots the intruder first before he can ask Youngbin what he’s doing awake. At this point, all Youngbin can do is watch in horror as everything falls into place for Jaeyoon. “What are you doing here?” Just the presence of another member in their room seems to wake Jaeyoon up completely. He’s scooting forward, hooking his hands into his blankets for momentum, until he’s right across from Juho, who is sitting atop Youngbin’s mattress as though he has any right to be there this late at night. “Can’t you sleep?” His eyes flit, only briefly, to Youngbin. Still, though, Youngbin makes sure not to betray anything in his gaze. Juho is transparent; therefore, Youngbin has to remain calm, composed, unsuspicious.

  
“Can’t sleep,” Juho croaks pitifully. His already gravelly voice comes out distorted. Youngbin thinks that he sounds like he’s about to cry, but he doesn’t care look over at him for fear that he is. “I thought I’d wake Youngbinnie up to keep me company.” It’s all so suspicious. They are particularly close, but if Juho wanted to wake someone up in the middle of the night to keep him company, then he’d pick Rowoon. There’s no way that anyone would try to wake up their leader, who works so much and is incredibly hard to wake up. The only exceptions might be Inseong and Jaeyoon who both have each other. Even Chanhee, who might need Youngbin more than the other hyungs, would probably try to wake Youngkyun up before trying to bother with Youngbin. If Jaeyoon thinks it is suspicious though, he doesn’t say anything. His gaze just wavers once again, traveling to Youngbin, who shrugs in response to the questions in Jaeyoon’s eyes.

  
The tension in the air feels tangible. Youngbin might be able to reach up and strangle himself with it if push comes to shove. Jaeyoon hums and lays back down. It doesn’t put Youngbin at ease, but he is hopeful. “Alright,” he says as though he’s coming to an important decision with himself. “Youngbin, take Juho out into the living room if you two aren’t going to be sleeping.” He says. All the while, Youngbin is biting his cheek so hard that he tastes blood; feels the shredded skin come away. “I need my beauty sleep,” finishes Jaeyoon as he pulls his covers over his head. There’s no hint of malice in his voice. Actually, Youngbin hears the remnants of Jaeyoon’s usual joking nature. It makes him wonder if they’ve made it past this.

  
Still, though, he’s not going to linger on it. As soon as he’s given the opening, he grabs Juho’s hand so he can drag him out into the living room. It’s a suggestion that Youngbin should have thought of himself, but he hadn’t expected for Juho to stumble into his room tonight. It isn’t until they are collapsed on the couch that Juho speaks. When he does, he sounds slightly winded and Youngbin doesn’t know if he’s still heaving from the kiss or the anxiety or some sick combination of both. “Wanting to see you.” He says, gaze strangely intense.

  
“What?” Youngbin’s voice cracks on the syllable. His nerves feel frayed at the ends, like Juho’s favorite sweaters that he usually wears to bed. Tonight though, he’s wearing a thin t-shirt. It’s been too hot in the dorm lately, but no one has complained since it is usually too cold. Youngbin realizes that he misses Juho’s sweaters, that he’s quite fond of the way they hang off his wiry frame. It is a lot different how his hug against his arms because of how he’s been working out more recently. _Why am I thinking about sweaters?_ There’s a bubble of laughter caught in his throat and if he lets it escape, then Juho will surely think he’s gone completely from the present, and he might be.

  
Vaguely, he feels like crying, but Juho comes to rescue by explaining himself. “You asked me what came first,” says Juho, licking his lips, “I wanted to see you so bad that it hurt.” His voice is too loud in the ringing silence, but there’s no way that Youngbin is going to silence him unless he’s pressing him into the couch. His self-control is better than that though, so he just focuses on watching Juho. His lips are red and his cheeks are pink and he’s still breathing as though he’s in desperate need of oxygen, but he lets out a wild laugh that Youngbin returns.

  
“We see each other all the time, Juho,” There’s a fondness rising in his chest that makes him want to ruffle Juho’s hair and hold him close. It’s a warmth that steals over his whole body, but it doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable. Actually, it is the complete opposite: his feelings for Juho start to take over and he feels strangely calm and undeniably happy. The smile on his face doesn’t disappear as Juho pouts. “You can’t hurt just because we aren’t always together,” he shakes his head. These are the words that a leader should give to his loved ones, but it isn’t like that with Juho because Youngbin just doesn’t want to ever see him hurting. Especially over him, even if it is love.

  
Is this love? A voice asks from the deepest part of Youngbin’s mind and he just wants to fall into laughter because he’s never experienced something more like love than this. For him, his group is the only kind of love that he needs, but Juho’s love crowns him. Juho turns Youngbin from a leader into a king. It’s addictive, this love, but it is also so easy. They should know better than to trust it so blindly when their lives are complicated when their relationship requires so much extra work. But they are Youngbin and Juho, and when have they ever backed down from a challenge? Especially when the payoff is so good…

  
Juho shakes his head to tell Youngbin that he’s misunderstanding him. “We don’t always see each other like this,” he says. “When we don’t, it all gets clogged up… All the love in me catches in my chest and my fingers just start to itch unbearably. It’s probably because I’m not used to this…” He trails off, looking around the darkened room. Youngbin watches his gaze travel but doesn’t find interest in the things that he sees, instead, he finds his interest in the way his gaze jumps from one thing to the other as he tries to find his words. As the rappers in the group, they have an excellent penchant for sentimentalities, but neither are used to giving them so freely to one another.

  
For Youngbin, the words seem to come easier when he notices that Juho is struggling to find them. “Whenever I can’t reach out to you, but I have to stand so close, I feel my throat get thick with the same itching anxiety I had before our first stage. I lose my words and my tongue feels like lead in my mouth,” he shakes his head. “It’s… I never knew that kissing you in that dressing room would lead to anything. All I could think about was how it was so selfish of me to do that to you, to do that to everyone.” The way Juho is watching him is distracting, but Youngbin doesn’t let that deter him. “But… I couldn’t care less now. I love you, you know? I love you so much that I’m okay with needing you. I’m okay with you needing me.” For some reason unconscious to him, he starts to nod. It might be because he’s trying to ward off tears that have no right springing to his eyes.

  
Lurching forward, Juho places his hands on Youngbin’s cheeks, squishing them, then he leans his forehead against Youngbin’s. “I love you, too, you know?” He laughs, then presses his lips against whatever purchase of skin he can find. Every kiss is another admittance to the love shared between them. Youngbin melts underneath Juho’s butterfly kisses. In his hands, he becomes pliable and warm.

  
It’s bliss, and he feels like he’s floating again, but Juho tethers him down with his hands, his breath, his words.

 

**Author's Note:**

> pls support jubin by sending me some prompts on twitter (@minshuas_) over there i have a cc and dms so Blease.......
> 
> we can keep this ship alive!!!! if we all chip in!!!!!


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